Thought on falling asleep.

Between the paper clips and discarded cups of tea,
In the moment caught between the pain and memory,
After the curtains' close on the dreary day,
Behind that screen, erected to try and make it go away,

Before me, now, in this reflective twilight, sits
A man, who impresses me yet, all the more
Because we, who from him benefit,
Can now more clearly understand the score -

The how, the what, the ways and wherefore
We do this; all preconceived thoughts made forlorn
And small. I find a word I kick against
Time to time. This word invokes defence

So strong - reactionary. In the mess of my room
I berate myself for hating this thought, this dove
That you have freed in me in this gloom.
This answer, bird and revelation? This love.

Cambridge, 31st May 1993 - to Billy Scott